There is something I have to tell you

When I first started seeing my boyfriend, we were already talking about mental illness quite soon. Partly due to the place we accidentally decided to have tea at. It soon became clear that we were both no strangers to mental illnesses and before I knew it I was telling him about my history with anxiety. I even told him that I was just finishing up on my therapy and that I wanted to take time to ‘find myself’. Focus on me and find my place in the world. He had told me a bit about his struggles and again I was reminded that you can’t see a mental illness.

As we grew closer and closer we kept talking very openly about ‘taboo’ subjects. And one day he told me about his diagnosis, and about his then current state of mind. Since I already had gotten to know him, certain things didn’t come as a surprise. He asked me if I thought differently about him, after hearing this news. Asking me if I cared about that. The answer simply said was no, he was and still is the lovely person I met and fell in love with. As a very sensitive person, I think it might even be one of the things that made me love him even more.

I am quite introverted and shy overall. But if I have a problem or if something is on my mind I have to talk about it. I have to share things. It’s my way of dealing with lots of things. Apart from being a ‘crybaby’ so I also just ‘have to’ explain why it is that I am crying. Side note: yes I do cry easily and I consider myself to be very sensitive. But during my life I realized that it’s okay. Additionally I also learned to not give a f*ck about crying in public. I simply no longer care if people see me cry, I have enough on my mind already. Let’s not talk about it for too long, but it just shows how weird my mind works, I can be anxious as hell when I feel like I’m getting judged, yet when it comes to crying in public I don’t give a single f*ck.

Anyway, back to the story. My boyfriend is overall way more an extrovert, yet likes to keep things to himself most of the time. When it comes to struggles, he ALWAYS keeps it to himself. Forming a sort of shield around himself. Which is his way of dealing, and also perfectly fine. But because of this, him opening up to me was somehow a ‘big deal’. I love it when people open up to me. It feeds my curiosity. And hell no, am I going to like you less just because you have a ‘stamp’.

Talking about mental illnesses and creating awareness for them is, in my opinion, super important. There are so many people struggling with a mental illness or people who have struggled with a mental illness. The only reason I found out about my mental illness and got the help I needed was due to hearing about it. Talking about it in places where you feel trust also helps to clear the mind. Together you can find support, motivation and hope. It doesn’t make you less of a person.

Lots of love ,

lali

Photo by Sagar Rana on Unsplash

4 Touch the heart to give the post some love