Klamme handjes

There we were together. Walking trough the cold. One hand holding our board the other holding each other. Even though the weather was freezing, your hand was still warm. You let go of my hand. Klamme handjes, you said. I took your hand in mine again. I quite like it, I said, it feels warm and trusted. But only from you. And we both smiled.

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we are all a little fragile

i believe most, possibly everyone has a story, a beautiful story. And for many years i had the idea of somehow bringing those stories together. Whether i would interview people, or share their stories in a different way. I was sure about one thing; the obstacles of life, the hard times, every struggle we have gone through. They have helped shape us to who we are now.

So now i have the idea of using my blog as a sort of platform where these stories can be told, shared and loved. Because we all go through some shitty things, but we are never alone. We can share stories, nourish love and grow as persons.

I want stories written with a certain quality, not so much in the text but mostly in the underlying message it gives of. And i want my blog to be inspiring and positive. As i said we are never alone, and i really believe that by sharing, we can all benefit.

I always loved writing about the unspoken subjects, taboos and things that make us vulnerable. I haven’t always had the guts to share what i write. But as i grow as a person, i find it easier to talk about topics that are close to me. Things i wish i knew and words that we all need to hear sometimes.

But this goes way beyond me. So it got me thinking, why don’t i introduce some guest writers. Non-commercial, love-based sharing of stories.

I want to start it small by asking my friends and family, from there depending on how that goes, who knows to what it will lead. Maybe one day it will grow to a platform where everyone can share stories. Quality written stories told from the hearth.

I would love to hear what your thoughts are on this, and i am happy to say that the first guest post will be up within next week! And if you are open to share your story, either anonymously or not, please let me know as well and maybe we can work something out!

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you are enough

tulips

i can be so open
in my thoughts and on paper
sometimes i am a bit weird,
in the sense that i put too much effort in things
things that seem so pointless to others

i am grateful for silly small things like someones love for socks, someone being their weird self, the joy of others in something they really like even if it seems like no big deal to me. A feeling someone gives of. A certain calm or a certain energized happiness.

I want to show people their worth. Especially if they don’t seem to see it themselves. Between a whole lot of arrogant stupid people there are so many souls that light up so bright, they blind themselves. I want to be the person who helps them notice, just how wonderful they are. How they are worth effort, time and space.

I believe in self-love. And at times i don’t live by it myself. Just a kind word can change a whole day, and you do not need to hear those words from someone else. You are enough <3

A shitty day

It was a struggle between self-hate and anxiety today. And then i slept a lot trying to not feel anything while feeling exhausted by feeling so so much.

I don’t even realize how bad i feel, until i take a moment to reflect on myself.

At first i simply felt tired, exhausted. Even after many hours of sleep. But i’m avoiding everything that scares me by doing so. It doesn’t help at all. My schoolwork keeps pilling up and my social life that somehow managed to change entirely in a very short time just makes me feel disappointed in myself.

And there you have it, all the ingredients for a shitty day.

I could have had a lovely day in the park after working on my essay for a short while. And finishing the day by helping my sister with packing her bag.

However i don’t want to end my day so negative. This week my mindset has been negative enough.

Even if i had a talk so special that just thinking about it causes tears to form in my eyes. I’m really grateful for the talk and the wise words i heard ?

I ate warm poffertjes

I had a nice bikeride trough the rain
I am constantly reminded that a certain German thinks and cares about me as much as i do for her?
I have the most weird lovely family
I got a bag filled with clothes (don’t want to be materialistic but it is okay to be happy with new nice clothing)

I made a gratitude list on Monday, which i  shared on my Instagram.

Writing helps a lot, it helps me to put things into perspective and makes me optimistic for change. It activates me.

Hope that you did not have a shitty day!

Lots of love,

Citlali ♡